too good to be true
when she tells me that she is having a really rough time and cries in front of me over me I want to believe her… she lied straight to my face for so long so why believe her now…. i am the only person that thinks this is a good idea… friends and family all think that i either have to ride the rollercoaster and be withdrawn with my feelings and never truly commit or prepare to get hurt time and time again…
i dont think i can take another six months of self pity and petulance. I dealt with it when she laid out exactly what she wanted.. i dealt with it when she slept around and all through out being a friend to her through what is a bloody horrible time in her life while ignoring how rejected i was…
she would point out that i did this out of choice and that the only thing she ever asked of me was to be a father to our kids. but for anyone who has ever been dropped from the height i was you will know that you will do anything to get a taste of what came before.
so why do i feel so betrayed ? well she lied flatly to my face for in her own words “6 months… not quiet a year” said on numorous occassions she loved me. fucked me when she was horny pretended to fuck me when she wasnt. made plans for our future plans for our kids pretended to give a fuck what i wanted to do with my life and then did everything in her power to stop me from doing anything at all…
i am hurt still and i feel betrayed still so when she tells me she wants me back i ask why and all i get in return is… nighty night…. why didnt she try and convince me ? am i simply not worth the effort ?
or is she simply trying to fuck me off?
